Lead Me

Its no secret that the dating and courtship part of our relationship was one of ups and downs and lots of heartache.  There were more times than I care to admit that I wondered if we would make it.  For years I did what I thought was best, and held on as tight as I could to a relationship that at the time was moving no where.  And I will never forget one day after bible study standing in the parking lot with my aunt Joni and bible study leader Becki, and crying tears of relief - knowing that I couldn't hold on any longer.  I had to let go, and give it all to God.  By holding on so tightly I was acting like I had control over something that only God had control of.  That was one of the scariest moments of my life, because sometimes when you surrender control to God, the outcome is much different than what you were hoping for... always better - but often different.  That day I surrenedered it all and just began to pray that God would bring a man into my life that would walk in faith with me (desperately hoping that the man God had in mind was Dustin).  I never knew where Dustin would end in his life of faith, and I never wanted to be one that pushed him towards Christ. I knew that it was a personal decision for him, and only him.  It had to be something he would seek on his own.  It was nothing I could ever make him do.  Almost two years later I married Dustin, a completely different person than the man I dated... he had grown into an amazing man of faith!!  The transformation in his life and in our relationship has been incredible to say the very least.  God gave me so much more than I could have ever hoped for.  Strangely enough - the reason that Dustin became so strong in his walk of faith had nothing to do with me and had everything to do with another person in Dustins life completely seperate of me or my family.  It is an incredible testimony that only Dustin can share.

Lately, this song has been playing on Air1, the radio station I listen to.  I love it because I know the story of why it was written (the video below explains), and I remember at one time praying for the same thing.  And today I am married to a man who is leading me to Christ in everything I do.  He is an incredible support and partner!!  When I surrendered it all to God almost two years ago, I never would have imagined that this would be my life today.  It is so much better than anything I hoped for or thought was possible.


The Story Behind "Lead Me" - Sanctus Real from BrightBulb Entertainment on Vimeo.

Pray for Kate

This beautiful little girl, Kate McRae, is the daughter of one of the pastors at our church.  In June 2009, she and her family learned that she was diagnosed with a malignant, aggressive brain tumor called a supratentorial primitive neuroectodermal tumor or sPNET. She underwent surgery, which removed 50 percent of the tumor, and underwent chemotherapy.  After her treatments in Phoenix were complete, and showed that some of the brain tumor still remained, she flew to Houston.  In Houston she underwent a very localized proton beam radiation therapy.  After weeks in Houston, the treatment is complete, and now they just have to wait.  I can only imagine that waiting is one of the most difficult things when it has to do with the livelihood of one you love.  My only glimpse of this hard reality is the pain in my heart for my dear hubby as we continue to wait to see if our treatment plan of food therapy hopefully helps his pancreas to start working again.  Each day I hurt for him, and I pray for God's will.  So when I think of all that this family is going through, my heart aches and I just want to cry and drop to my knees so I can lean on the understanding that only God can give me.  Sometimes it all seems so unfair.  I continue to cling to this families blog and updates on beautiful Kate, and I am continually inspired by their faith and ability to stand firm knowing that they are being comforted by Him.

I ask that you pray for this little girl.  I can only guess that these next few weeks and months are going to be so difficult as they try to find some normalcy in their life as they wait.  Below is Kate's moms most recent blog post, with all of their petitions!!

"Wait on the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart. Wait, I say, on the Lord." Psalms 27:14

Yesterday we were back in the oncology clinic seeing all of the new and old faces. We quickly updated them on our 2 months in Houston and then discussed what the upcoming days could look like, as well as we can determine. Lab work only periodically, a 100 day transplant appointment to discuss long term side effects and do lab work, and a one month scan. After that we can't determine but only hope what the days will look like. We have to wait to see what the MRI shows. It's chilling how we only plan for a month. If things are stable we will have another MRI in 2-3 months and so on. I can tell they are hopeful, but realistic. Each time we are there I want to beg for statistics. Something tangible for my hurting heart to hang onto. A reminder that some do survive. I won't let myself ask anymore though. We know roughly and that's enough. Enough to know it is possible to survive, and yet enough to drive us to our knees for Kate. Enough to treasure every day and plead for more. Enough to know the upcoming years will be very difficult and that God will have to be our sustaining grace. 

After discussing scans and the upcoming days, it was decided Kate's PICC line could be removed. A day we have all anticipated. No more TPN, no more heparin flushes, and no more sterile dressing changes. Finally bubble baths and swimming. She cannot wait! I cried as I watched her just stand in the shower tonight and soak it in. A simple but well appreciated pleasure.

When we left the clinic with no appointment scheduled I wanted to beg for one. Surely we needed to be seen next week. I wanted weekly labs. I wanted the security net of treatments and the slight knowledge of what was going on in her little body.  But it's time to wait. Please God, strengthen our hearts.

As much as we are nervous for the upcoming days, we also relish in looking over the past year and clearly seeing God's hand. We have seen answers to the many prayers. And so we ask for your very specific prayers in the future.
-Please be praying for for no evidence of cancer on Kate's scans ever, and that there be no cancer in her body, even that which is undetectable.

-be praying for protection for Kate's hearing from the chemotherapy and the radiation.
-be praying for protection for Kate's vision from the radiation
-be praying for healing for Kate's kidneys from the large amounts of chemotherapy
-be praying for protection for her liver
-be praying for protection for the healthy parts of her brain from the radiation, for no long term brain damage or learning difficulties
-be praying for protection of her hypothalmus from the radiation and all of the many functions that it effects
-be praying for protection from any secondary cancers that could result from the chemotherapy and the radiation
-be praying for protection of her heart
-be praying for improvements in her right sided weakness
-be praying for God's protection of Kate's reproductive system from the high dose chemotherapy
-be praying for protection for the artery that is encased in the tumor that it would not be weakened from the radiation

So we wait. But we knock as we wait. Pleading for God to be gracious to Kate. Thank you for persistently knocking on the door of heaven with us for Kate. 

Bliss

Six months ago, almost down to the exact hour, I was standing on a beautiful Hawaiian beach marrying the most incredible man in the whole wide world!!  And that's not me being biased... it is the complete and honest truth  :o)

I keep thinking of all those people who told us "the first year is the hardest."  I sure hope that is the truth, because if so we are in for a lifetime of pure BLISS!!! These six months have been an incredible journey with a few bumps in the road, a lot of laughter and an immense amount of love!  Here is a fun list of all that we have experienced in such a short amount of time, in no particular order:

• I really start my post-processing  business, working for Cristi Owen Photography
• Dustin is officially diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes
• We meet Kim Brown and Dr. Baker
• Dustin starts school at ASU working towards his Masters in Engineering
• Visit Oregon
• We find a new church - Cornerstone Chandler
• My home loan modification is approved
• Dustin gets a promotion at Intel
• We become involved in the After I Do small Church at church
• Visit Little Rock
• For the first time ever, Dustin and I have no roommates
• We begin to pray together

Now this last bullet may not seem like a big deal to anyone else -- but it has been a HUGE blessing in our marriage!!  In the last six months I have witnessed my husband become an amazing man of faith!  I think that it is safe to say, and without offending Dustin, that in the past I was the one who was "religious", at least that was the term Dustin used to use.  But now we are both walking together in faith, and most of the time he is the one leading me and reminding me what Christ has planned for us.  The comfort and peace this has brought our marriage is absolutely indescribable.

Mans Camp 2010

Just a little look into Dustin's weekend at Man's Camp with our church!!  Lets see if you can spot him, Robin or Zak, Matt Bialy or Matt Kline in any of the video!!! ** They are easier to see if you click the button that makes this video full-screen ** Here are some hints... they played 7 games of paint ball. And in the scene where there are people in boxes running around, Dustin and Zak are in the box that has spray painted yellow stuff on it! And look for Matt Kline in the scene where he is catching stuff in the middle of a field (just him and another guy). Dustin said last night that he was thinking of writing a post about his weekend... so keep your eyes open for that just in case he gets inspired!!


Man Camp 2010 from NoBoxFilms & NoBox Productions on Vimeo.

Excited!!!

Have you ever been to a concert where when you leave that the performance was just soo good that you are so eager to get to your care so that you can play the CD over and over and over again (and probably for the next few weeks). And if you are anything like me, you get so into the moment of the song, that you probably look completely silly when someone drives up next to you and notices you totally rocking out... but in all honesty, you just don't care! Its by far one of the greatest feelings ever!!

That is probably the best way to explain my weekend! This weekend I was completely submerged into the Word, and it was absolutely the greatest weekend ever!! I am not going to put too much in this post about the weekend, saving that for another post when I get pictures from my friend. But the entire weeekend was simply on 1 Corinthians 15. Take out your bible, and read it!! Talk about an incredible passage to prepare your heart for this holy week and an amazing Easter Sunday!!

Dustin is heading off with our church to Man's Camp next month with some friends. In fact, it was a friend of his from Bend that invited him, Matt Kline. And once Dustin got excited for it, he invited my uncle, my cousin and a few of his friends. So there is quite the group of them going. I pray that their weekend together will be even half as impacting, if not more, than the weekend I just had!!

I am praying this week that I can allow the impact of THE RESURECTION into my life, and allow it to transform me in catacalysmic ways!! And what an exciting prayer that is!! One thing I know, is that every time I have prayed for Christ to transform my life (and allowed him the full ability to do so) my life has been changed in ways that I never thought was possible! And I will leave you with this short video... Travis Cottrell was the worship leader this weekend, and when he sang this song I felt the Holy Spirit in such incredible ways!!

A Difficult Day

There are no pictures for today. It has in fact turned out to be a very trying and difficult day and I honestly didn't even feel up to taking any pictures.

About 6 months ago we learned that Dustin was pre-diabetic. This in itself is a very long story, so I will try to keep it short. Intel offers their employees a monetary incentive every year to have a full physical completed. And every year, Dustin has taken advantage of this. It wasn't until this year that something was flagged. His glucose levels had been rising the past few years, but this year they were in a range that would put him at risk for diabetes. We went to our regular doctor, and he also confirmed this. We tried to get an appointment with an endocrinologist right away, but every one we talked to said that we would have to book six months out. So we also made an appointment with a naturopath and found ways to control Dustins blood sugar levels just by monitoring his diet. At this time is also when we found out that Dustin has an allergy to wheat and yeast, and this is the reason for so many of his stomach problems in the past.

At the time when Dustin was just being diagnosed we had lots of lab work done. My very limited knowledge of this disease has let me learn that the glucometers that take your blood sugar levels are never extremely accurate, but a good day to day reading of what is going on in your body. But the Hemaglobin A1C levels are the best indicator of what is going on. According to one resource we found "In most labs, the normal range is 4-5.9 %. In poorly controlled diabetes, its 8.0% or above, and in well controlled patients it's less than 7.0%." When Dustin first started on this journey his A1C levels were 6.6%. After months of monitoring his diet very strictly his levels dropped to 5.5%. I can tell you on this day we were praising God more than you can imagine and giving Him all the glory for putting this fabulous naturopath into our lives and teaching us some alternatives to medicine.

Fast forward to about a week ago. We knew that his endocrinologist appointment was coming up so we thought that he should start monitoring his levels again on his glucometer. And since the wedding and the holidays we haven't done a really good job of monitoring his diet, so we thought we should get back on track with that as well. So last week some day, he took his levels on the glucometer and it registered as a 380. This is SIGNIFICANTLY higher than any level we have ever had before, even on days where lots of sweets were consumed. Dustin rushed to the doctor just to make sure that everything was fine. He ran some more test results and said to get back to working out and watching his diet.

So today was the day we got back the test results. He got a phone call from the doctors office asking him to come in after work. (This is never a good thing). So he called me on my way to bible study to tell me the results. Dustin's A1C levels had risen to 8.9%. **Heart drops as I hear this** In the past Dustin's body had produced normal levels of insulin, but now he was producing very little **Heart drops a little more** I knew that we hadn't been great about his diet, but I also knew that we were far better than anyway we had been prior to his original diagnosis. Thankfully the appointment we scheduled with an endocrinologist six months ago is next week, Thursday, February 4th.

But oh no... the story of the bad day doesn't end here. In fact, it hasn't really started. About ten minutes after my conversation with Dustin, and while I was sitting with my girlfriends at bible study I get a text message from one of my girlfriends, Tiffany. Tiffany's husband, Donnie, was diagnosed with hypogammaglobulinemia about 6-7 years ago. This is an immune disorder, and how I understand it is that Donnie truly doesn't have an immune system. There are very very few people in the world with this disease, so very little research has been done to find a cure. If his daughter gets sick with a cold at school, he will for sure catch it and become even more sick. And because of all that he is dealing with he is constantly in pain. Okay... so back to my story. Tiffany had told me earlier in the week that Donnie hadn't been doing all that well recently and was in a ton of pain. To make a very long story short, Donnie had been prescribed several medications for the pain and for the immune dificiency. Earlier today, he had a root canal in which he was given even more drugs. Somehow the drugs had all interacted with each other in a not-so-good way and had caused Donnie to have an accidental overdose. Tiffany was there as all of this happened, and their son was able to call 911 right away. The firefighters were there in a matter of minutes and we transported to Thunderbird hospital.

As soon as I got her text I called Dustin and we headed out to the hospital. All in all he was doing okay, and very lucky. Tiffany and Donnie have been the most faithful people through all of this. Witnessing their relationship with Christ through all of them, and watching them find strength through Him was such a testimony to Dustin and I. I think it would be so easy to become disheartened and become frustrated with God, but they seem to have so much strength and faith. On the way home, Dustin looked at me and said "Wow... isn't this a great reminder that things could be so much worse." And that is definitely the truth.

We spent the evening trying to sort through all of our emotions from the day. I praise God for giving me a husband that in the last few months has become so faith-filled. Dustin was the one to keep me grounded and remind me that God will provide us strength to get through all of this diabetes stuff. We are praying for godly wisdom in understanding the road that is before us, and the journey that Tiffany and Donnie are on. We are praying for the doctors that will reviewing Dustin's case, that they will know the best approach to his situation. And we are praying for incredible wisdom in Donnie's situation that someone may find a cure or a treatment for his disease. And we are praying to see God work in all of this!!

Such a great day!!

Today was by no means a fun and exciting day, but overall it was an absolutely fabulous day!! Dustin and I went to church this morning at the 9:15 service at Cornerstone and were able to worship our Lord together and with my aunt and uncle and Dain and Susan!! And after the church service we went to the "Sunday school" class that we participate in. Its called "After I-do", and it is a class for couples who have been married for 5 years or less. This class has challenged us in ways that have been such a blessing to our relationship. It helps us to approach things differently (and much more lovingly) within our marriage. It is such a reminder of how we should love each other with so much grace, just in the same way that Christ showered us with his grace and love when he went to the cross. It has been such an incredible blessing for our marriage and it has been awesome growing closer together in Christ.

After church we went to Someburros with Dain and Susan and their absolutely beautiful daughter Teagan. Teagan has recently learned how to stick out her tongue and was so cute sticking it out while she was eating!! I sware this little one could easily be a Gerber Baby!!

Open House

Today we had an open house at my parents house to celebrate our wedding with all of our AZ friends. However... the party wasn't just a celebration for us!! It was also a Cardinals party. We borrowed two flat screen TV's from our great friends Pat and Teresa Misch and set them up outside. We had food from Someburros and from Aloha Kitchen. Ray gave us a great deal and it was by far some of the tastiest kalua pork I have ever had!! Absolutely incredible! Next time I'm at the kitchen I am going to have to ask him how he made it =) Beyond yummy!

Right before the open house started, Dustin said to me that this is going to be one of the only parties that people show up on time, and stay quite a while. And he was right. At exactly 2pm we had about 10 cars pull up with many many more following, and most were wearing their cardinals gear. Unfortunately the game didn't go as well as we would have hoped for, in fact it didn't even go good!! But we had so much fun with our friends and family that it didn't matter much to me!

That evening, I spent some time with Teresa and Susan and Dustin went over to spend time with the guys at Jeremy's house. It was a scotch and cigars type of night... and apparently a lot of fruitful conversation. This weekend really helped us recognize how blessed we are with such incredible friends!